Those who have lived in the south will recognize this. Pronounced Zaa ghon BEE it? Said at the end of a fast food order to confirm that the customer is finished.

I've lived in Texas for six years. I have never heard what I heard this past week going through the line at McDonalds as I placed my order. The speaker sez:

Zagonbeit?

And Trav was right beside me, and I burst into tears because that was the very phrase that sent him over the edge one day.

Of course he told it much more eloquently. One day he was at a session. He was asked to pronounce a particular word one way and not the other way, and he could not hear the difference. This was a man who was known in the industry for doing things in one take. Early day, coffee all around, and he made the sound engineer's jobs easier. Because he only needed one take. Twice for luck, and just in case. It bothered him deeply that he was asked to pronounce one way and not the other way and his ears did not tell him which was which. They both sounded exactly the same. So off he goes for lunch afterwards. To a barbecue place. He wearily orders. He hears: Zagonbeit? He makes the guy repeat this two or three times. He just can't understand what the guy is asking him. Finally it dawns: Is that going to be it? He apologizes, and tells the guy he's very sorry, but he's just come from a place which requires a very particular pronunciation of very particular words, and he doesn't mean to be difficult. But it really is, or should be "Is that going to be it?" The poor clerk at the barbecue (which was famous at the time in Gnashville and may still be) tries to empathize. Ah, you've just come from a spelling bee?

Defeated, Travis agrees that he's fresh from the spelling bee and badly needs the barbecue, and yes, that will complete his order.

Meanwhile, back at Mickey D's: The fellow at the window had no idea why I was crying.

Travis haunted me for a while, it's true. But he passed on, I thought.

But I've never ever heard this, despite living in the area for many years. Yet I heard it, and Trav was in the van with me. Checking on me. Telling me it's going to be okay.

Even if bad english is used, it's still okay. This is important to me for reasons I'd not like to go into. If Trav says that I'm ok, then I am.

The phrase summoned him, methinks, because it was particularly pronounced. Zagonbeit?

I'm okay, things are ok. He's just making sure. Or maybe it's just memory, or sentiment. Or the craziness of his daughter.

I dunno.

But I hope you understand, zagonbeit is not commonly heard round here. This is my neighborhood McD's, you see. I've never heard that. And Trav was palpable, although I don't know if that's grief or guilt or what have you.

And I was coming from a Spanish class, not from a "spelling bee". That explains the typo of not capitalizing the language. Does not excuse the typo, but since Trav was studying Naruda when he passed, I have to learn it also. (Am sidetracked by the sonnets of Baltasar del Alcàzar)

Trav is good, I think. I thought he'd passed, or maybe I am crazy, but I really do see him surfing the ether, digging on Pete Jackson and whatever else he chooses to watch or listen to. And mind you, you really should have seen Mr. Jackson's work in a cinema. It is worth the trouble. Look for it in re-release. Very faithful to the original Kong.

I think he truly may be virtualTrav. able to go but yet stays, when he wants to.

I can't figure it out. Just needed to share it.

One week later, I did figure this out. They have found lost footage of Metropolis. Twenty or so minutes. That would be sufficient to summon my father from Heaven. While he was in the neighborhood, he stopped by.

And it will be ok. My family is just so weird that instead of bells ringing when angels get their wings, we hear English, mangled.

Hope is so fragile and fleeting. So hard to hold. As the Rubyiat says, like a finger writing in moving water.

But it is there, and it will be ok. From God's lips to my ear. (or mayhap I'm just completely bonkers, always a possibility)

Hope is around, possible. Not mythical. From my lips to God's ear.

Zagonbeit?

-Thais Hardison